I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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