I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
