I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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