Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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