and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've blown a few things in my day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
