pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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