so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my shit smells like andre
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
