The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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