i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
