Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
