You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
