We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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