I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
