Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
