It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
