My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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