very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
