You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
