Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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