dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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