Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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