last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
