Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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