im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
