I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
