Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
