he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
