sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Non-Jews are for practice
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
