i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
