they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
