he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
