is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
