You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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