so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your penis caused this!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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