Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
