in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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