Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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