So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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