my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
