Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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