I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
