Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
