i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
