A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
