Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
