goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
