im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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