I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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