So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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