I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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