I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
