if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize