tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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