we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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