He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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