I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
