Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
