He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
