My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
