The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
