I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
