my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
