it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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