Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
