I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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