That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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